(with apologies to Jerome K. Jerome)
Edited from original published in B.D.C. Review, April 1967
A 1966 holiday tour by 1930 6 ½ litre Bentley
by Vin Callcut
Use it for a Continental tour? We just don’t do that now…You’re mad and ten years behind the times. That was typical of the encouragement received when it was proposed that the 6 1.2 sedanca should make her second trip abroad under my ownership.
A midweek passage was booked at short notice despite the seamen’s strike and three of us from the Warren Wood natter and noggin were off to Germany and Switzerland, with a trunk full of camping gear strapped on the back and the back seat passenger squeezing his way in alongside cases, spares and the kitchen sink. The midnight boat to Ostend allowed nearly four hours sleep and saved a night in depressing Belgium. After an easy run through a still sleepy Brussels we stopped for breakfast before pushing on to Luxembourg. This lovely city at midday was just as empty as Brussels had been for we had unfortunately picked the official birthday of the Grand Duke and everywhere was shut. This gave us a good excuse to make straight for the Nurburgrung where the public are allowed on the circuit on weekdays at a nominal cost per lap. Our time for the complete circuit was twenty minutes which we claimed as a record for 6 ½ sedancas, subject to official confirmation. Setting it was as interesting for us as for any racing driver in a faster car but our tyres limited the maximum speed to around 70 m.p.h. since they still had a fortnight’s holiday to survive. Exuberant cornering was also restricted by the weight on the back; the passenger there claimed that the rear spokes were playing Strauss. Going into the steeply banked part of the “Carousel” left hand hairpin did strange things to the oil level so that the newly re-bored motor suddenly left a smoke screen reported as impenetrable for the next five minutes. After refreshment at the pits bar we followed the nickel silver radiator across country to the nearest first class camp site, down on the Moselle.
Here we showed ourselves as real tyros at Bentley camping; it took us over three hours to setup camp and cook the evening meal. This was not just because we had vintage camping gear to suit the car but more because of the large interested crowds which gathered and stayed on even after darkness. They had never seen anything like the “B” in actual use and we got along intermittently in German, Dutch, French, Swedish and Italian but mainly in English. At later sites we evolved a method: elect one P.R.O. to stand near the bonnet, Smith’s 5-jet carburettor side, and take the brunt of the questions while the other two get the gear off the back and erected. At the sound of “Grub up” the said P.R.O. starts a determined rear guard action but until then his job is surprisingly the easiest since the questions were usually the same even if the language varied. Obviously a full data plate could have been displayed but this would defeat what we found to be the object of the exercise – once a conversation was started it often led to cigarettes, cigars, beer, wine or coffee being exchanged for the rest of a convivial evening.
Another technique used later in the evenings was also basically simple. The “B” was driven to the nearest town square and abandoned in a prominent position while we retired to the pavement tables of a suitable vantage point. When the time was judged ripe we returned to the arena and had the opportunity of talking either to the men crowded around the sharp end or the ladies peering into the seating accommodation. Little encouragement was needed before a suitable number of attractive females jumped into the back to try the luxurious seats and occasionals.
A weekend was spent at Weilburg, 60 miles N.E. of Frankfurt at the invitation of a school pen friend who first visited England sixteen years ago. Here we were given a very sincere welcome for our own sakes as well as the car’s. No effort was spared to make sure that our visit was pleasant. German hospitality is always on the generous side as far as food is concerned and at the end of the weekend we could scarcely get vital buttons done up. Needless to say the one year old daughter of the house already spoke better German than we were ever likely to, but the three English uncles were soon firm favourites. An older son in the household thoughtfully left us his extensive Trix and Marklin model railway layout for trial but since road tests are not a regular feature of the Review our report is not included. Our presence did not go unnoticed and the press were soon round. The “old timer” was in the next day’s paper, her photograph taken in front of the new grammar school and with ten column inches of chat underneath.
The weekend was very enjoyable despite frequent rain. After it we turned South to try for better weather. We paused a while for a quick look round at Saalburg where a complete Roman fort has been entirely reconstructed on its original site in the “Limes”, the German equivalent of Hadrian’s Wall. The site occupies several acres, rather damp while we were there but nonetheless impressive. We had also the addresses of several breweries and wine, brandy and champagne producers but felt the call of sunnier climes.
At Nyon on beautiful sunny Lake Geneva a vintage Packard had been reported, converted to a breakdown truck but possibly for sale. Intensive café research work one evening produced the garage address but the next day the car was found to have gone only two months earlier. Eventually we found it in a nearby village, lying in a carosserie alongside a 1930 Minerva similarly butchered. It was a 1927 Super Eight, a goer which might get back to Calais under its own power. Unlike other similar stories there is no happy ending to this one – negotiations ended abruptly when the owner thought he could get the equivalent of £400 for it! He was prepared to let the Minerva go with its unoriginal Buick engine for a mere £200.
In Geneva itself we contacted some English girls presently working in the library at CERN. They gave us a very good evening meal but then insisted on us driving them round and round the narrow streets of the “Old Town” until someone they knew saw them. By the time this was accomplished the clutch stop was objecting and no doubt the fuel consumption was well in the single figure mark. We met the girls again for lunch the next day and after a hurried meal had a quick tour of Vern. This and other Bentleys have been photographed in all manner of places but we thought this might be the first time a cloud chamber or proton synchrotron had provided the backdrop.
One of the hazards of camping is the rough ground. Long wheelbase cars tend to straddle transverse bumps that tinware pops over and the silencer was twice pushed back off its inlet pipe. We had searched Switzerland for silencer cement to help matters but had no success at all; is no “bodgery” perpetrated in that hygienic and efficient country? In desperation we called at the Rolls agents in Geneva. Once sure that we didn’t want an overhaul they gave us a warm welcome. After producing the required muffler cement they gave us a conducted tour of their shops and amongst other things we saw a Cameron just received from America and a fully restored PII chassis shortly to be on its way over there. We noted those lovely brand new 700 x 21s just in case they might be needed.
The fine weather we had found by Lake Geneva held for the next few days whilst we toured on to Interlaken. Here for the first time in five visits I saw the Jungfrau and was at last convinced that it was not a myth created for the benefit of tourists. The next day we abandoned the “B” to her own devices while we took the first train up the mountain on the cheap excursion. The fare was still £4 10s. but given a day like that it was worth every penny. It was interesting to see that with a rack between the lines even ordinary looking electric trains can haul themselves up a gradient about as steep as Firle.
In Lucerne the Swiss claim they have Europe’s finest transport museum and we are not disputing that despite the fact that we found no references to the car. Their collection of cars and airplanes is very good and has been fully described elsewhere. Of particular interest in the small exhibits were two large showcases filled with upwards of a hundred brass motor horns. A musical clock blows some of them every hour and there are other working displays at intervals throughout the day. We spent some time cranking the starting handle of a sectioned Merlin engine, ostensibly for the benefit of a couple of small German boys. It was one of the ones built under licence in America and showed many detail differences from our own built here. The variety and display of preserved steam locomotives was excellent and should be studied hard by British Railways. Steam in Switzerland generally disappeared so long ago that it is hard to imagine a plume of white cotton wool trailing through that glorious scenery but there is still some to be found occasionally. The Brienzer Rothorn rack railway is still steam worked by horizontally boiler-ed inclined locomotives in showroom condition and steam specials are occasionally run by the Sihltal Railway from Zurich and by the Rhaetian Railways.
With time pressing if we were to make our chosen campsite by evening, we reluctantly decided not to take refreshment in the beached paddle steamer and so returned to our own less immaculate but still useable vehicle. As we threaded our way out through Lucerne an oncoming Opel guided missile tried homing on our expensive radiator.
Standard Six Sedanca acceleration and manoeuvrability does not compare with that of some of the club’s more “Go-cart” looking vehicles and we were unable to shake him off; he scored a hit on the rear wing. The Swedish registered car was being driven by a Greek gentleman and as we couldn’t find a shared language, both cars and occupants were conducted off to the central station where it was well over an hour later before we were shown out again with smiles, handshakes and a report costing three francs. As we were just leaving the country it seemed a good idea to unload all our small change so a two inch high pile of centimes was apologetically offered. The policeman looked a bit straight for a moment but then with a twinkle in his eye asked if we had been singing in the streets!
This brought back memories of a trip with the same car two years ago. We had climbed the Arlberg Pass meticulously watching all the gauges but glad that though rather warm the recently over-hauled motor was using little oil. Coasting down the other side we could sit back and admire the snow capped scenery but were brought back to reality by expensive clanking noises. The oil level float was stuck optimistically at three quarters full but what little oil we actually had, had run away from the oil pump on the downward slope. Coasting silently down the hairpins to St. Anton was slightly nerve racking since there was now no vacuum servo but the car was soon parked near the entraining ramp at the station while enquiries were made. Spirits soared momentarily when an English guide leading a party of tourists came up to us and claimed to have worked in the racing department of Bentley Motors. During a lull in his loud and enthusiastic reminiscences we mentioned our troubles and switched on the engine to demonstrate. “Piston slap”, he diagnosed. “It always sounds like that when you have a cold engine”. With a heat haze still hanging heavily over the radiator we looked at each other in speechless amazement while he turned tail and fled up the mountain with his party of impressed tourists trailing behind him.
The owner of a local garage off the main road agreed to re-metal our big end shells provided that we handed them over and reassembled afterwards. The car was soon in his best lock-up garage over a luxuriously furnished pit and two sets of holiday clothes rapidly got slightly soiled. None of the garage staff could speak English but rapport was soon established over our common enthusiasm and the garage owner lost rather a lot of his lad’s working man-hour during the process. He himself was a real motor engineer of the old school; when a diagram was drawn illustrating why you do not push Bentley pistons right up to the top of the bores, he exclaimed: “Ah, just like the Austro Daimlers!” and went on to find many other similarities, particularly near the front axle.
With ingenuity and goodwill not often equalled at English garages he tooled up his primitive facilities for melting, pouring and machining the new shell linings and the next day we were back underneath offering them up. We found the daylight a bit restricted by the legs of tourists dallying to pass the time of day so in an attempt to alleviate this problem a box was setup in front of the car to support an inverted British Standard Bentley Driver’s Cap. A notice alongside said in our best German, French and English, “Two wives and six big ends to support”.
Not being sure how much we were pushing an Austrian’s sense of humour we peered out apprehensively when the owner came over to inspect. He carefully studied our German then his face lit up with laughter, his hand dived deep into his pocket and our collection got off to a flying five schilling start.
Half way through the subsequent road test we were introduced to the delights of “Enzian” but that, as Warren Wood habitués will know, is another story.
It had been planned to revisit this genial engineer this year but time ran out and we had to head North again back into the torrential rain that was all Germany had to offer. Under such conditions though there is a lot to be said for a good roof and wind-up windows. The 3 and 4 ½ left at home by the other two drivers seemed slightly less attractive at this time despite the fact that they are in better condition.
After another overnight stop with the Weilburg friends the car was aimed at Ostend with a diversion to Antwerp, the subject of so many reports to see what was so good about it. In the middle of the chaotic rush hour traffic the answer was not easily percieved so the overnight stop was Ostend itself. Pleased with ourselves after a trouble free 2,000 mile tour and slightly big headed after the continuous adulation from people seeing their first Bentley we were brought sharply down to earth in two stages: in Ostend we found a 1910 Daimler just back from Prague having done a far greater mileage and at the first English filling station the attendant just said: “Bit of an old banger, isn’t it?” and we had to get used to most people just ignoring us and our car.
For a cost under £50 each we had enjoyed the fortnight far more than most previous holidays. Instead of being mere tourists we were generally treated more like guests, even in popular tourist areas. We had found nothing but friendliness everywhere and a mixture of camping, hotels and free hospitality had given us a wide variety of experiences. Living varied from frugal to magnificent. Lunches were usually from local specialities, generally some of the many varieties of sausage and bread washed down by the local brew, wine or sekt. A study of sausages was started but this was limited by the fact that the only way to find out about them was to eat them; despite the fact that there are over 400 types there is no book on the subject.
The car herself behaved beautifully. Obviously you cannot blame her for the two punctures of loss of silencer on rough ground. She returned an average of 12 m.p.g. overall and was doing 15 on the Auto-bahns over 150 mile stages, cruising at 50 m.p.h. At 50 we were of course the slowest private vehicle about and it was nice to get back to England and start thundering past things again. She needed some restoration work before she went and slightly more by the time we got back since even carefully stowed luggage can be hard on upholstery. Though the car was built when roads were far rougher than today there was an extra squeak here and there by the time we got back but even so it would have been better to be waving the flag from a fully restored car. Until she looks a bit better she will not be fit to be seen outside B.D.B pubs although I think she might well go touring again this year.